humorous-quotes-about-pregnancy/

Humorous Quotes About Pregnancy


Visit Us on the Web for More Humorous Quotes About Pregnancy


When it comes to pregnancy sometimes it good to make fat jokes or things of that nature, sometimes however this could blow up in your face, especially if the person is not actually pregnant. Visit Us on the Web for More Humorous Quotes About Pregnancy

Here are some of the top ones we managed to find on the web:

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.”

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”

“No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.”

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”

“If evolution really works, how come mothers have only two hands?”

 “I know how to do anything—I’m a mom.”


Ok so you get the idea. Lets take a look at some more funny sayings  – we count down the top 25 !


25. Should I have a baby after 35?
No, 35 children are quite enough.

24. What does a pregnant woman say after she apologizes for her random emotional outbursts?
Up yours and I hate you.

23. What’s makes watching a Quentin Tarantino movie look like a Disney flick?
Seeing that video in childbirth class one more time.

22. What hurts even more then childbirth?
Having to sing “Wheels on the Bus” 400,000 times a day.

21. How is being pregnant is like being a child again?
There’s always someone telling you what to do.

20. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

19. What would be different if men got pregnant?
Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

18. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
Because you’’re fatter than they are.

17. What’’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
Nothing, if the pregnant woman’’s husband knows what’s good for him.

16. What’s better than eating for two while pregnant?
Shopping for two.

15. What’s the oddest stage of pregnancy?
When people aren’t sure whether to congratulate you or buy you a gym membership.

14. How long is the average woman in labor?
Whatever she says, divided by two.

13. A husband asks: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
Not unless the word “alimony”” means anything to you.

12. How many days are there in a month?
Each month has an average of 30-31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 1453.

11. How is a pregnant woman like a toddler?
She outgrows her clothes every freakin’ week.

10. How does being pregnant make you feel?
Like a superhero, a really tired, weak superhero who wants to eat all the time and isn’t allowed to lift heavy objects.

9. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

8. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

7. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

6. What are the terrible twos?
Your breasts after your baby stops nursing cold turkey.

5. I’m 7 months pregnant and all day long I hear a constant barrage of “You are SO BIG!” from people. What should I say?
“Thanks! So are you!”

4. And, what do I say when people remark: “You know you’re not supposed to drink soda, right?”
“Really? What am I supposed to mix my Jack Daniels with then?”

3. And when they ask: “How much weight have you gained?”
“Enough to make your life pretty miserable when I sit on you.”

2. My wife’s pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before. I replied, “Yes, just once.” The doctor asked, “What was it like?” I said, “It was dark, then suddenly very light.”

1. What do you do when your daughter’s pregnant and says she hasn’t slept with a man?
Start a religion.

Hope you had a good laugh, we love pregnant woman – no pregnant woman were harmed during the writing of this article.

Pregnancy & Childbirth

Pregnancy is measured in trimesters from the first day of your last menstrual period, totaling 40 weeks. The first trimester of pregnancy is week 1 through week 12, or about 3 months. The second trimester is week 13 to week 27. And the third trimester of pregnancy spans from week 28 to the birth.


For More info on Pregnancy and Childbirth – visit us here http://www.solomonmoshev.com/


Your baby will change from week to week. To learn more about how your baby is changing each month and about what tests you might think about having, see the Interactive Tool: From Embryo to Baby in 9 Months .

woman-child-doctor-hospital-large

First Trimester

During the week after fertilization, the fertilized egg grows into a microscopic ball of cells (blastocyst), which implants on the wall of your uterus. This implantation triggers a series of hormonal and physical changes in your body.

The third through eighth weeks of growth are called the embryonic stage, during which the embryo develops most major body organs. During this process, the embryo is especially vulnerable to damaging substances, such as alcohol, radiation, and infectious diseases.

Having reached a little more than 1 in. (2.5 cm) in length by the ninth week of growth, the embryo is called a fetus. By now, the uterus has grown from about the size of a fist to about the size of a grapefruit.

The first trimester is a time of amazing development . The embryo starts out looking like a tiny seed, then a tadpole with a tail, and then more human.

Second Trimester

If this is your first pregnancy, you’ll begin to feel your fetus move at about 18 to 22 weeks after your last menstrual period. Although your fetus has been moving for several weeks, the movements have not been strong enough for you to notice until now. At first, fetal movements can be so gentle that you may not be sure what you are feeling.

If you’ve been pregnant before, you may notice movement earlier, sometime between weeks 16 and 18.

During this time, the fetus is still building up body fat and starting to put on a lot of weight. By the end of the second trimester , your fetus is about 10 in. (25.5 cm) long and weighs about 1.5 lb (680 g).

Third Trimester

The third trimester of pregnancy spans from week 28 to the birth. Although your due date marks the end of your 40th week, a full-term pregnancy can deliver between week 37 and week 42. During this final trimester, your fetus grows larger and the body organs mature. The fetus moves frequently, especially between the 27th and 32nd weeks.

After week 32, a fetus becomes too big to move around easily inside the uterus and may seem to move less. At the end of the third trimester , a fetus usually settles into a head-down position in the uterus. You will likely feel some discomfort as you get close to delivery.

Childbirth

Also known as labour and delivery, is the ending of a pregnancy by one or more babies leaving a woman’suterus. In 2015 there were about 135 million births globally. About 15 million were born before 37 weeks of gestation, while between 3 and 12% were born after 42 weeks. In the developed world most deliveries occur in hospital, while in the developing world most births take place at home with the support of a traditional birth attendant.

http://www.solomonmoshev.com/